Hey there all you blog readers,

Well, I am officially screwed. My spanish teacher called my mom and told her that my assignment is late so now Mom is pissed and is "going to take disaplinary action." In other words, I'm fucked. I'm already grounded off of MSN 'til Christmas, but now I'm probably going to be grounded to the house 'til Christmas. Nice eh? I fucking hate school. No one seems to get that. Fuck. I'm so sick of it all. I don't think that teachers realize that we actually have lives. Believe it or not, we do, and they do not revolve around school or homework. This sucks!

-Duckie

Hey there all you blog readers.

OK. This is a poem from a few months ago. I was in a real bad place. Very dark as my mother would say.

Dark

She is broken,
She knows not what she fears,
Darkness falling,
If she lets go,
Life will overcome her,
Falling deeper and deeper,
Light is a lost hope,
Faith has let her down again,
Should she dream,
Her only reward is agony,
She has been left in the darkness to die,
Screaming for someone to save her,
She wishes the pain would go away,
It won't leave her,
Pain is her life,
It feeds her soul,
And bathes her heart,
Her love and hate for it are one in the same,
One day she will escape it,
She will be free,
Towards the light she will walk,
Soul and heart bathed in love,
But until that day,
She will remain,
Broken.

Well. There is this girl in my highschool who hates me. A lot. And I have no idea why. But that's OK because my motto is: No matter how loud the haters scream, I will always scream louder. I can deal with it. She can kiss my ass.
In other news. Hee hee. My old best friend is totally bitching at me. But that's OK too. Because she treated me like crap. And I have the greatest friends in the world. I love them to death. I don't know how I would survive without them. They're there for me. Always.

So that's all I'm going to write now because my fingers are freezing cold.

Ciao.

Hey all you blog readers,

Soooooooooooo tired and sooooooooooo cold. Fun eh?
Well, last weekend was AWSOME! Had sooooo much fun.
I went shopping on Saturday and then to a party on Saturday night. (I love you Mich!!!)
Then on Sunday I had a family thing. Boring. Oh and Friday night I went to the movies with my ex-boyfriend/best friend. lol. Funny how things work.

Ciao.

Hey there all you blog readers.

If you want to know more about me, here's a little something.

It was 1996 and I was six years old. In my eyes, everything was going well. I had a great family, was doing well in school...Everything was great. I came home from school one day and discovered that my father was packing his things. He was moving to Germany. "Goodbye"s are hard. "Goodbye, this is all my fault"s are even harder. I honestly thought that he was leaving because of me.I thought that I had done something to upset him and he was leaving to punish me. No one really explained it to me. He came back to visit when I was eight. But not again. In my eyes, I had really screwed up. I spent years beieving this. I was twelve when I moved on to simply hating him. He had ruined my life and now I wanted to ruin his. Except, I couldn't really do that since I didn't know how. Yeah, he called every once in a while, sent me birthday and Christmas presents, but I started losing my knowledge of who he really was. I no longer knew my father. In September 2004, after I had finally put my father out of my mind, he showed up on my doorstep. Now, I didn't know what the hell to think. He pulled me into a hug and all I could think was, "Who the hell is this man?" It took me about fifteen minutes to actually figure out who he was. Then I was just pissed off. Who the hell was he to show up after leaving me eight years ago? He never called to let us know he was coming, hell, he didn't even write it. It turns out that he was deported from Germany for being there on an expired Travellers Visa. So he shipped all of his crap to OUR friends and showed up expecting food and a place to stay. Well, Mom and I thought, fuck him. He can find his own godamn place to stay. So he did. He crashed at his old friend's place for a while and then moved to another friend's place. He tried to see me a lot. Pick me up after school, drive me to swim practice or dances, but I didn't want him to and Mom couldn't figure that out. I hated him so mush it hurt and she just kept pushing me to accept him. She should talk. I know that she hates him. 
I am so lucky to have my friends. Although all of my friends helped me through this, Harry is the one who saved me. He listened and gave me great advice. Whenever I got upset, he would be there for me along with everyone else. Thank you guys. It means the world to me to have friends like you.
My father is still here in Minden, but I haven't talked to him in over two months and I have no intentions of doing so. I will not risk letting myself get hurt again. He is leaving in the spring and I am going to tell him when he leaves that I don't want to get any calls, letters, presents or anything of the sort. I do not need him. I've gone this far without him, I think I can do it again.

So, that's me.

Ciao for now.

-Duckie  

Hey all you blog readers,

Well, I'm home sick today. It's the first time Mom has let me stay home in like two months. It's a welcome change. So far I've had a shower, watched a movie and had a cup of tea. Mom made me drink the tea. I guess it helped a little.

Mom's honestly been really nice to me over the past few days. I think she wants something. Haha. No, but seriously I think she is finally starting to trust me. She let me go to a party on Satuday night where she knew there would be drinking. Since she trusted me enough to let me go, I didn't drink except for the occasional sip of a friend's drink. Trust and respect goes both ways. The party was awsome. I had a great time. Mom didn't let me stay the night, but I guess it's OK because she said that I can stay next time if we plan it better.

We went shopping on Satuday. It was a pretty good day overall. I got a ton of stuff for my room and my dress and shoes for semi-formal. My dress is awsome. Now, I'm not much of a dress person, but this dress took my breath away. It's so simple, yet sooooo gorgeous. I'll post a pictue eventually.

Sunday I ended up getting to sleep in ever though I wasn't supposed to and then Mom and I went to my grandparent's place to see my aunt, uncle and cousin.

So that's my weekend in a nutshell.

Ciao

-Duckie